Fair Deal Advice Blog

Admitting a loved one to long-term care

Admitting a loved one to long-term care is one of the most difficult decisions that a husband, wife, son or daughter, brother or sister may ever have to make in their lifetime. At www.fairdealadvice.ie we meet and help people everyday who have to make this decision and who are often ridden with guilt and feel they have betrayed their loved one. Many of our client have been married for 50 and even 60 years and have lived happily together until they or their partner starts to suffer from mobility issues, Parkinson’s, Dementia or Alzheimer’s or just the frailty that often comes with old age.

Spouses and children then take on the role of Carer (the forgotten heroes of the Irish Health system) and do their best to care for their loved ones increasing care needs. For Spouses this can often place a huge strain on their own health and wellbeing and often results in them being unable to enjoy activities and socialisation with friends as they feel they cannot leave their loved ones unattended. Children often must balance, work, their own family life while trying to help or care for their parent in need of care. This can cause exhaustion, work and marital difficulties and missing their own children’s participation in activities, a sacrifice that they are willing to make to ensure their loved one gets the best of care. Unfortunately, HSE care is limited with a maximum of circa 24 hours a week, with many of our clients receiving 1.5 hours a day – Monday to Friday. This leaves the Carer often having to provide the remaining 142 or 158 hours per week by themselves or assisted by family members when possible.

Carers whether they are spouses or children often suffer from exhaustion, physical injuries from trying to move and lift their loved one and sleep deprivation. Sadly, some Carers predecease their loved ones as a consequence of the stress and strain on their own health and wellbeing.

While home care may appear to be best for your loved one, often as their condition progresses, they need daily medical intervention and monitoring to prevent infections and manage their conditions. Home care and even HSE Carers cannot provide this as they and the family Carers are not medically trained.

One should not be afraid or feel that they are letting their loved one down by admitting that you can no longer care for your loved one and need to admit them to a Nursing Home. By admitting the person to care the 24-hour stress and strain is removed from the Carer. They and the family can visit their loved ones in the Nursing Home as often as they wish but do not have the physical stress and strain of caring. You know your loved one is safe 24 hours a day and getting the appropriate medical and general care that they need under their dedicated care plan. When you visit you have quality time with your loved one, something that many Carers do not have when home caring as they are trying to balance everything and are often exhausted.

My advice is do not ever let yourself as a Carer get to the point where you are exhausted or continuing to care for your loved one at home is having serious consequences on your health, wellbeing, family life, and work. Remember you are no good to your loved one if you yourself get ill or even die from the stress and strain of caring. If you are a child and have an older parent caring for your mother or father, have frank and honest conversations with your parent and make sure, they do not try and care for your loved one for too long at a detriment to their or your health and wellbeing.

Apply for the Fair Deal early if you feel that home care going forward will not be sustainable. Once it’s approved its valid for six months. Ideally get approval and admit. If care needs become too challenging, you can always admit prior to approval of the Fair Deal and pay for the care privately if funds allow until funding is in place.

If you need any advice on long term care, please contact us at Fair Deal advice by phone 086 601 5042 or email advice@fairdealadvice.ie or visit our website www.fairdealadvice.ie.

Tom Murray
Managing Director
Fairdealadvice.ie